Well. Let’s read Colin Trevorrow’s Episode IX script 

I think they executed Kylo''s face heal turn pretty well

Mandalorian nerds when the darksaber is mentioned and she don't have a stroke as is customary.

DO THE YODA VOICE

Jenny: I can make Tor Vallum sound like whatever I want! Jenny: *immediately starts doing the voice of Him from the Powerpuff Girls*

That Tor Valum voice... I'm dying.

you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us

The skeletons lit up while being shocked by force lightning in the original scene of RotJ with palpatine using force lightning, so that's actually pretty accurate. I also really like the idea of Hux just being so broken from the constant abuse from powerful force users, that he spends his off duty time in private in his quarters brooding and trying desperately to tap into the force, In this sort of "if I had the force, I'd show them!" Sort of way that I have to imagine a lot of non-force users must feel in the Star Wars universe.

What kind of patreon space magic do we need to convince Jenny to do more of that Yoda voice? Like it was actually so good

its been less than 2 minutes and I've been won over!

*waves tentacles "Are you a good sith or a bad sith?"

Genuinely curious if there were any good scripts or just ideas for episode 9 because every version is so bad.

im more surprised you can read

I'm telling you finn's story is the perfect example of hollywood not liking white women and black men being together

Hucks killed himself with mace's lightsaber?! Awesome

The original jedi were "grey" they used both sides of the force and understood the benefits and drawbacks of each side. They then had a civil war. The losers were darkside fanatics and we're exiled and the winners remained the jedi but banned the teaching and use of the dark side

Finn's story at the end deadass sounds exactly like the ATLA theme I'm screaming

Maybe I'm biased, but there was more romantic tension in "Trapped in an island with Josh Hutcherson" than there is between Rey and Poe.

I was only half-paying attention when this video started playing so for like 1/3 of this video, I-kid-you-not, I thought Jenny was reading bad fanfiction.

„Tell me the odds, I like numbers.“ ~Asian girl in Starwars movie

I was watching a vine compilation and ended up here. Whyyy????

This script had way too many unnecessary descriptions. The best scripts from the best writers (Sorkin, Wilder, etc.) are always pretty vague about how characters are dressed and stuff like that. Whereas this script goes into obnoxious novel-like detail about how Rey is dressed and how womanly she looks and creepy stuff like that. And comparing the ships to bracelets and stuff like that is something that YA novelists write.

.

"Why would they invent lightsabers if you can just use suck life energy with the force?" Probably the same reason they invented lightsabers when you can just shoot force lightning...

Jenny as Tor Valum is absolutely fantastic *g. I could watch this a dozen times in a row.

This is strangely close to the plot of Wandavision in the end low key

the tor valum voice is fucking sending me

S U C K I N G

The absurdity of this script is astounding sometimes. It doesn't help that my focus keeps getting broken by your fabulous *horse desk*. ♡

if u read my mind all u would find is jenny's impression of tor valum on loop

i like this

In my head cannon, the leader of the knights is grogu

I hate the no-homo-poe-romo

1:34:15 Trevorrow might as well say "and then R2 vomits fanservice"

45:57 What, putting up a picture of Elizabeth Berkeley would’ve killed you?!

33:03 “Sir, this is a Space Wendy’s.....”

Can't believe I sat through the whole 2 hours. Of Episode 9, I mean.

the implication of this script that rey has four eyeballs now... effervescent

I would love one of those king's cross scenes but the person the protagonist meets is just trying to convince them to stay dead

So, after watching this video I decided to finally obtain and read the Rise of Skywalker novelization. So far a creature somewhat like Tor Valum has appeared... and Rey has mentioned wanting to build a double-bladed lightsaber!

What, Poe "I got the Resistance nearly wiped out" Dameron being an idiot? Inconceivable!

Wtf kind of question is "what do you remember"

The amount of effort that went into this retelling rivals Episode 9's production

Overly Sarcastic Productions has corrupted my mind, every time she said "a hooded Tusken" I pictured a doodle of an Italian in a cloak.

even if this was fanfiction (i have no idea, i don't care enough) i've read... much better fanfiction. like, fanfiction that i keep a pdf of on my laptop because it was too good to lose when the author took it down. it's really impressive how this managed to be as bad as the actual movie but in the exact opposite direction. and if you know what fanfiction i'm talking about... you know.

44:20 It's worse than a Fake-Out Makeout; it's an And Everyone Clapped, too.

BB8's flashback of star wars=Bella Swan's flashback of twilight

You're gonna sit there and tell me that penisman *isn't* the most prolific artist ever born?

The idea of a saucepan being involved in the creation of the blue milk is so wonderfully ghoulish

Jenny's Tor Vallum had me absolutely cackling

Duel of the Fates is already a better title than The Rise of Skywalker. And I like the circular nature of the title.

Something about a goofy oversized Vader helmet as Kylo's hat tickles me sideways :)))

“Commander selleck makes $12 an hour. It is one o clock in the morning you could have stopped at no” is the next TikTok trend

When I think “chancellor hux with grey hair” literally all I can think of is the thin white duke

1:16:38 - The most beautifully awful stage direction in all of scriptdom.

"New exotic elegance" in her "sari-like robes" and "headscarf"? Hello Orientalism, my old friend...

Let's be fair: In Jurassic World, both of them were terrible people.

Is that a studio apartment?

I'm a year late, but if nothing else, this video gave me a new perspective on Chewie not getting a medal

Not super important, but I'm 35 and I've got grey patches, so I could see hux having some grey in his hair for the 3rd movie.

I liked the part when Rey ghosted Poe by literally becoming a force ghost. It's not very good, but it's an effective way to stop their romance.

Jennys Torvalum performance is much more original and terrifying than the Andy Serkis style evil man performance we would have inevitably got if this were really filmed..

I feel like this script was ghost written by Akira Toriyama

Guys often start going grey in their 20s, and some guys have visible grey streaks by their 30s. It just doesn't show very well at that age unless you look close and more people dye it than would admit it. It's still weird in a film, but I want to stand up for my fellow salt and pepper dudes.

For me, it’s the noid with his tiny hands

i can't be bothered by anything else that happens in this script other than the fact that someone somewhere decided that pairing rey and poe romantically was somehow okay. we as a society need to come together and decapitate comp het with a lightsaber guillotine.

I am seriously wondering why making the most problematic aspect of the Catholic Church Jedi canon seemed like a good idea to anyone. " Kylo we just want you to point out on the doll where Master Luke touched you..." It would definitely explain a lot.

....doesn’t Leia have brown eyes?

i saw the blue milk and was instantly stoked ha ha ha im not really a "star wars fan" or anything but i am a fan of the blue milk in star wars. yeah.

I wish rey and Ben both lived to teach a new generation of jedi. Rebuilding the jedi could have been a cool disney plus show if they wanted.

The original trilogy could have been a great buddy comedy if Obi Wan kept popping by to dunk on Darth Vader.

This is hella flawed but still better than the official final TROS. The thing of Finn starting a stormtrooper uprising where they throw a coup against the First Order is badass. There was an extended alternate version of the Finn vs Phasma fight scene in the Last Jedi that hinted at it happening, but unfortunately it was cut from the film for some reason.

Omg is that puzzle piece a squishy/foam pillow??? 👀👀

At the end - Leia Skywalker-Organa? She's never - that I know - ever once used the name Skywalker. She used her dad's name, Organa.

You know a lot of people and I mean a lot of people think that this script is not only the greatest thing to ever star wars, but also a masterpiece. People are very weird and or dumb at times

Still better than what we got, not much better but better

I can’t be the only one that heard “Admiral Thron”

I love how Jenny's Palpatine hologram voice involves continously jostling her arms and shoulders, like Astrid imitating Hiccup

I was not expecting to find this much enjoyment in this script reading. You're funny personality, in depth knowledge on Star Wars and video game related material such as Banjo kazooie kept my interest for the duration of the video. I hope to see more of your content soon.

hahahaha "on an emotional level I loved Jurassic world 2, but I didn't think it was, you know ...good." Oh, I know

4:46 "Her robes fall from her shoulders, revealing her BRA (Battle Ready Armor)." I wouldn't mind seeing that version of the movie.

I mean.... it's a better sequel to the previous two movies??... There are some good ideas here. With a decent couple of BIG rewrites this could have been a good movie

Tell me what ur drinking I gotta know what ur drinking ?????¿¿

Not going to lie. Here for Reylo, here even kinda for Reyin, but like ReyPo? I dont, i cant, what? Why?

Oh so they give Rey the Paul Atreides treatment

Wow... Your Palpatine voice. I live. And the hats? What greater gift could I ask for this solstice

In every single treatment by a man Kylo dies. Like they all think Death=Redemption or winning. Kylo Ren is a tragedy they they always try to paint as an uplifting ending.

I think that Rise of Skywalker is more workable. This ones plot feels nonsense while RoS feels gutted, like something was there but was removed, and we know that that is what happened. Still, I am glad to have been able to listen to this so that I know that the “better episode 9” is just kind-of trash

I think Chewie getting a medal in the one we got was alright, because it is implied more so not that he was bitter and is finally getting what he wanted, but that she is giving him Han’s old medal

The Legends limitation of force-drain is that it consumes the wielder. It is not a power that just anyone can learn, and it is not a power that anyone can control. It consumes the wielder with an insatiable hunger that will drive them to consume more and more until no less than entire planets can sustain them. Darth Nihilus was one of the few cursed with this power, which he learned by becoming a living wound in the force, a well of death, and in the end, while he is almost unstoppable, he was weak as a result of all of that, a slave to hunger. If we look at the immortality through the force aspect, we have two examples of that sucking, one in Legends, Nihilus’ counterpart Darth Sion who used the force to hold his shattered mess of a body together and lived in an eternal torment from which he refused to let go of, and Darth Maul in canon, who’s hatred for Kenobi lead to him dragging himself through misery for years until all that was left of his mind was his hatred for Kenobi, who is still fixated on that drive for revenge after regaining his sanity, and only when lying in Kenobi’s arms, dying by Kenobi’s own hands, does he let go of his hate. Collin just ignores all of this, not just the legends, but the implications of Maul and his journey

We didn’t get character growth for Finn because Kathleen Kennedy didn’t really let much of that happen, let alone letting him start becoming a Jedi

I think I know why you are thinking of the Neeman move as dark side is because not only does it fit perfectly, Maul does basically that to Satine using the Dark Saber

Yeah, the Holocron not scanning him until after they said anything is stupid and Tor Valum spits in the face of Darth Nihilus, but while he is not canon, the KOTOR era and connected lore fit well as they don’t really effect anything and are great, as well as some of the connected lore being re-canonized, such as Rakata Prime now called Lehon, but there being various myths about it being the seat of an ancient empire and also the Tatooine Origin story from KOTOR is referenced as a legend

If it is the Mandalorian Darksaber, this is not the context. It is being used because it’s cool and they can use it to show a dude is evil by murdering their henchmen. The DarkSaber is a symbol of Mandalore. It deserves more thought being given to it’s use in something than “ooh pretty and unique. Imma do that” Also it would have limited the Mandalorian’s ability to use it with a pre-canonized fate Additionally, neither is Mortis, which exists as a weird semi-conceptual force-realm that had gods reside in it, trapped within by themselves for the protection of the galaxy. The Father specifically draws Anakin to it, and that is how they reach it. How the Father reached it himself? Unclear. What is clear, however, is that it is not somewhere that you just fly to and it is not the the birthplace of the force, living or cosmic. That would be the OTHER weird force place in the clone wars, the one that Yoda goes to

Yo! Collin! Your “unique lightsaber” is a double-sided lightsaber that she uses the force on. Throwing lightsabers like boomerangs is done with the force and is nothing special, or at least the LEGO games make it seem that way

Wait... That opening is just Rebels. If you want an orange droid being painted grey to go undercover, well, they do that constantly in Rebels

Having not seen the last two star wars movies, I think this script sounds better than what I have heard about the actual movie. This one just sounds more fun and more satisfactory. My only real problem after watching this video is poe's bad characterization and forced relationship with rey. Then again still haven't seen rise of skywalker and only watched a bit of last jedi, so ya know, big heap of salt. 😊👍

You should’ve called up like 6 people from the comments or something to read this

this applies to the sequels more generally, but- how do you write star wars and dont even understand how to write star wars like- there are great theories, essays and articles out there to explain it, if they had just read up about it in a day or two its not that hard, especially if you got a big disney cheque for it as well

Didn’t Palpatine lightning illuminate Darth Vader’s skeleton

1🇺🇸🖕💋 neva a hata alway a playa...